Beliefs I Hold Dear

Cars are not self healing

Signposts always appear too late


Cats will always throw up over anything new or freshly laundered


Traffic wardens do not possess a sense of humour


At least one Dalek will always escape the wrath of the Doctor


Sat Navs are not infallible


Bank managers are genetically modified


Life is full of surprises

Short, Short Stories

Even storytelling is feeling the effects of the current recession. Prior to the Credit Crunch my short stories below were once epic novels!

A PIGMENT OF THE IMAGINATION

I decided to get the detonators in. That nice Florence Give-a-Dog-a-Bone from Changing Tunes was raring to go.

“Get rid of my mahonia walls, I want loads of colour,” I destructed him. “And while you’re at it can you do my garden as well?” I addled.

Well he really extinguished himself, he painted the walls with bread and did the ceiling Aunt Arctic white, In the garden, he got rid of the poison ivory and planted pink concubines and pompous grass.

I’ve got loads of equanimity now, so I’m selling it to a civil serpent from Penge.

Clear Your Clutter!

The article entitled “Clearing your Clutter” started with “Only have that which is useful or beautiful in your house”. Kelly put down her magazine and looked at her husband slumped snoring in front of the TV.

“Time for a trip to the dump darling” she whispered.

Top Gear

Another Monday morning and after an hour and a half sitting bumper to bumper on the M25 breathing in the fumes, fear and failure of modern life Jude finally drove into the office car park and then drove out again. Time to put her life in fifth.

Vlad The Inhaler

Vlad the Inhaler loved his job. All night long he would hang around bars and nightclubs. He adored sniffing ladies’ perfumes, macho aftershaves, the heady mixture of beer and spirits. All went well until the day he discovered he was a misprint.